It keeps getting rougher.

A lot of things have been happening, lots of little things, and I think I will just address them individually. So right now I will start with the most angry/frustrating thing I can think of. Trump’s ban on transgender in the military.

Everyone has probably read about it, transgender people won’t be allowed to sign up, those already in the military may be ejected at any time, and their medical has been hit with no transgender services used by the military.

We found this also hits Wolsey. It has been said that as of the end of this year we are back to where we were when I petitioned to have his medical care back in 2015. I have been told, but I don’t have a confirmation yet that he won’t have coverage for anything in those areas. We won’t  have that until the new medical plans come out in November.

This means at the end of the year, hormones, SRS, or ANYTHING to do with his transgender status will no longer be covered.

We knew this was coming, and I am incredibly grateful that the two of us “panicked” at the start of the year and pushed two years ahead on our schedule to start his surgeries.

Currently our final level of appeal for the last surgery itself is at OPM (the Human Resources for the federal government) and we will see if its covered or not. If it isn’t, I have two credit cards ready to take on all the debt, it will just push us back about 7 months.

Even so, I am very glad we assumed the worst of this administration, and that through sheer luck we were able to get Wolsey in for surgery.

The other aspect that I haven’t talked about yet, we don’t know if civilian DoD workers can be fired at will like active military or not. If the medical is cut the same, I am prepared for the rest of it to be treated the same with him.

After his surgery in December we are going to reassess. Our original goal was to wait until he got 5 years here. That way he gets a tiny little pension worth 5% of his paychecks when he retires. We are currently at year 2 for him next month (and I am at year 3). We still want to hold three more years, but we don’t know. State jobs would cover him, protect him and also put into a different tiny pension when he retires, but he really wanted to finish what he started here.

I guess we will see, and I will tell everyone else when we know.

Oh, and we will have more stuff coming, Wolsey had to take a break from Background Radiation last couple of weeks. It has been so depressing.

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A BRCC and Dog Whistle encounter.

Dog Whistle (term): a coded message communicated through words or phrases commonly understood by a particular group of people, but not by others. – Merriam Webster

Yesterday was a long day, one that I won’t go into here but was very physically and emotionally exhausting for both Wolsey and myself. On our way home from a single day 250 mile round-trip we stopped at McDonalds, and we decided to sit inside to eat.

We had just heard about the horrific alt-right/Nazi/Trump Douchebag attacks in Virginia and were not in a great mood because of it. The area we were in was remarkably pro-Trump earlier in the day, with a god awful sign screaming about defunding Planned Parenthood, so I think I was extra vigilant (or maybe just so pissed about the day I was looking for a problem).

I will be the first to admit I was more aggressive then I probably should be, but the family stuff along with the Alt-Right douchebaggery had me rattled. However, I didn’t want to clean up what I say here because I wanted to share my emotion, and admit I probably could have handled this a little better.

We got in, got our burgers and were talking. I was incredibly thankful to have Wolsey with me, and we just started feeling a little better when in walked two young men, mid-twenties probably who came walking into the seating area and stumbled around for a minute or two. I noticed their shirts had the letters BRCC on them, some sort of coffee symbol and a crosshair (although I wasn’t sure at the time if that is what it was, because in each corner there was a symbol).

The symbol was similar to this, plus a coffee symbol

I couldn’t tell you what caught my attention, but they seemed uncertain of sitting near Wolsey and I so I kept watching. Eventually they sat one seat over behind Wolsey and were talking back and forth. They seemed a bit nervous, but the guy facing away from me seemed to forget I was there. I noticed along the back of his shirt it said Black Rifle Coffee Company.

Immediately I was sure the shirt was a dog whistle. Two white males, displaying a brand of coffee that loves its artwork about guns, on a day of alt-right violence. I had never heard of a BRCC coffee shop so I doubted it was a local coffee company and that they worked for them, and while I couldn’t be sure about the meaning of the company, I was sure it was an alt-right signal.

I noticed the guy kept watching me and Wolsey, and that brought my full stare at him, I didn’t look away even as I talked with Wolsey. Something about the guy bothered me, and while I didn’t say anything to him, I am fairly sure my staring at him caught him off guard. He kept half looking at us, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

I watched for a couple of minutes and then without looking away I reached over and lovingly patted Wolsey’s hand, in a gesture that established our relationship. The guy’s eyes shot up and he flinched a bit.

In my emotional state I was hoping he would say something. I was praying he said the “f” word even in passing. The last year and a half dealing with the passing of both parents was wound up pretty tight. However, they are both small to medium sized guys and I am pretty big and he said nothing. He just looked down.

By this time Wolsey noticed I was watching something and had a curious look. He knew I was bothered, but didn’t draw attention to it. He told me a little about the crash (we had just heard about the car attack) and I said loudly something about “Alt-Right Fucks” and the guy that still wouldn’t look at me directly flinched again.

I knew I was right about them at that moment. I was also slightly disappointed that evidently like the other alt-right people they were not willing to say something to someone on equal playing field.

It was then that Wolsey and I got up to leave. I think Wolsey knew the second he saw the guys what had my attention and why. As we walked out I wasn’t sure if they would say something, they douchebags had been super active all over the country so maybe these guys would say something.

I was hoping they would, but the one guy wouldn’t look at either of us, and I don’t think the second guy even knew what the situation was. He did seem taken aback as Wolsey and I walked out the door as I had hugged Wolsey as we walked away and was watching the two of them.

We did a quick google search after it about Black Rifle Coffee Company. They do supposedly hire veterans, and I am for that. However, they are based in Utah, they scream about the millennial attitudes, they are for retaking back what we originally where (a coded dog whistle), they are a coffee company that “makes coffee that conservatives can drink”. Their coffee cups even have weapons printed on them. They scream about immigrants and refugees, they were upset that Starbucks pledged to hire refugees and somehow made that an attack on veterans. There is more, but I don’t need to repeat all the shitty things they say.

Oh, I guess I do have to say one more thing, they support Donald Trump, if that isn’t a reason to call the company douchebags then I don’t know what is. Also a confirmation to me that wearing the shirt is a dog whistle.

Update: BRCC hiring veterans is not necessarily a “feel good” thing. There are definite advantages for tax credits and if you think BRCC doesn’t consider that as well then you aren’t thinking it through.

While Starbuck’s gets no tax credit for hiring refugees, BRCC is hiring veterans for PR and for tax bonus:

Businesses that hire eligible unemployed veterans can take advantage of a Work Opportunity Tax Credit (WOTC). (This credit is also available to certain tax-exempt organizations.) After recent changes, The Returning Heroes Tax Credit now provides incentives of up to $5,600 for hiring unemployed veterans, and the Wounded Warriors Tax Credit doubles the existing Work Opportunity Tax Credit for long-term unemployed veterans with service-connected disabilities, to up to $9,600. (source)

If you think for a second they are not doing it for a tax credit, I have a bridge to sell you.

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8/11/17 Background Radiation

Let’s take a look at the terrible news things this week.

In Transgender Military Ban news, we have a lot going on.

It looks like Trump is congratulating himself on the new policy he created banning transgender active duty soldiers form the military.

“I have great respect for the community… I think I’ve had great support, or I’ve had great support from that community. I got a lot of votes. But the transgender the military‘s working on it now… It’s been a very difficult situation and I think I’m doing a lot of people a favor by coming out and just saying it. As you know, it’s been a very complicated issue for the military, it’s been a very confusing issue for the military, and I think I’m doing the military a great favor.”

We’ve learned his own lawyers counseled him against the policy, and more than 50 members of congress sent a letter asking the Department of Defense to defy the ban.

It looks like the US Navy Secretary might take them up on it. He’s doing some typical DoD language here. He’s saying he’ll follow policy if the Pentagon puts it out. That’s some serious if’s when there are arguments that it’s probably not constitutional. He also made it clear that transgender people should be allowed to serve by saying,

“any patriot that wants to serve and meets all the requirements should be able to serve in our military.”

There is a new study that says it will cost around $960 million to dump all active duty transgender soldiers out of the military.

Five active duty service members are suing over the ban on transgender folks in the military.

Here’s an op-ed with Admiral Paul Zukunft, Commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard, elaborating on his refusal to “break faith” with transgender service members under his command.

In other infuriating news, we have a story that a transgender woman, and her husband had their breaks cut in an attempted murder event while working at Amazon. They were subjected to all sorts of harassment over her being trans. They are suing for workplace discrimination.

A man in Florida was shot, and killed, defending his gay friends. The murderer was let out without bond. . . That is horrific.

The Duggar’s are continuing their anti-transgender agenda. 28-year-old Derick Dillard, married to one of the Duggar daughters, and with their own reality TV show. Because we need more reality TV about these people? He’s been attacking 16-year-old Jazz Jennings about being transgender. He’s a grown ass man attacking a kid. Nice Christian ethics there. There is no reference to being transgender in the bibles, and I don’t remember a sermon where Jesus told his followers to go attack children.

Lastly, to close I’d like to link to a good article that discusses how toxic masculinity fuels transgender victimization. If you have a few minutes, it’s a really good read.

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The book and a guide for spouses of transitioning partners (especially FTM)

This week has been a quiet one, although we did finish our book though, sent it in and hopefully will hear back soon. We had it done last February, but the publisher couldn’t review it until the end of May. The publisher heard the surgery was happening and asked if we could extend it to include that, so we did.

However, writing the book made me realize something about my blog entries. Most of my posts now and in the future I am sure, are made usually as things happen. Full on emotional highlights (or maybe stonewalling those emotions) but they are excellent for showing how I felt and was thinking at the time. Even if they sometimes bounce around randomly.

When I went back to write a followup  for the book, I realized how much I had either left out, or how things had either changed or perhaps I was more on target with the post then I realized. I am thinking I might start writing up in general a guide of how things actually work (after the fact) once major events have passed.

This is coupled with the fact I have gotten a remarkable number of general questions on how things work, or how I handled things. When I look at my posts I find that I don’t necessarily address overall questions in them, so there isn’t any one place I can refer people to (or that I can refer to so I can answer a question).

Take for example I don’t think I am far enough away from Wolsey’s first bottom surgery to be able to give a factual review or guidance on what it was like for me as a supporting spouse and what I had to do, at least not for another six months or more. I am still in the middle of it. However, I think I can talk to how to handle it when your spouse comes out, how family reacts, top surgery, relationship issues, etc.

Not a repeat of posts that have occurred, but sort of a guide on how things happen (at least in my relationship) the pitfalls and great things that occur. With the benefit of hindsight. Also since a lot of these events occurred I have subsequently found either resources, or other things that help with that situation and I want to share those.

Just wanted to let you know why I may bring up general subjects now, that I talked about two or three years ago. Feedback is great, and if it seems to redundant please tell me.

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Ads?

I am using Chrome for the first time in awhile and I just realized there are ads on the website (I have all the ad blockers on my old Safari browser and never noticed them). There should NEVER be ads on this website, that is why I paid for the business plan.

The control panel now tells me that the ads are gone (I found the box and clicked it). It appears so when I look at the site. However, please tell me if you ever see ads. I do not want myself or wordpress to make money off this website, and I definitely hate ads myself.

This is to help others (and myself by letting me vent into a place regularly). This is not meant to make me or anyone else money.

I apologize the ads have been on, that is my bad.

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Surgery Trip #1 Video

I finally got around putting some of the surgery trip pictures into a small video for my personal blog. I figured they deserved to be here too :).

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8/4/2017 Background Radiation

Let’s see what kind of caustic hateful Background Radiation has my dander up this week.

First, before I get into anything else, we’ve had another death in the transgender community. Pink News reports: Black trans woman killed in the US is the 16th recorded this year. That’s more than two murders a month. Her name was TeeTee Dangerfield, and she was murdered in Atlanta, GA. We have this happen so much, I have no idea, anymore, how to even say my thoughts are with her family and friends, and I hope they find justice for her. I never stop being horrified at the sheer number of deaths and attacks on the community.

In the brighter side of the news, the backlash against Trump’s anti-transgender tweets are still coming in.

Reuters had a poll that showed the 58% of Americans opposed the exclusion of transgender people in the military: Majority of Americans support transgender military service. This article really breaks it down by demographic. Conservatives are split on this one, I guess individually they have to ask themselves if they support active duty soldiers more than they hate transgender people.

Even gay conservatives are jumping off that sinking ship. Gay candidate for Trump administration post withdraws over trans military ban. John Fluharty, who is gay and Republican, withdrew himself from consideration for a senior position in the Department of Homeland Security. He then made a nice statement about it being because of the anti-transgender tweets the President sent out. I may not understand LGBT folks that are conservative politically, but it’s nice they have my back.

45 Senators Pen Letter Urging Defense Secretary Not to Implement Trans Ban. A bipartisan group of 45 senators wrote a letter urging James Mattis, the Secretary of Defense not to implement the transgender ban. I found it noteworthy that it was bipartisan. It seems attacking active duty service members might have split the GOP quite a bit.

Even the Military Times is getting into the act by pointing out that the $8 million estimate that they are using for transgender care (which wrongly assumes all are on HRT, and need maximum surgery options) is completely dwarfed by the $294 million in erectile dysfunction drugs. See the article titled: The military spends more on giving retirees erections than on transgender troops. You know shit is getting real when the Military Times is pointing to the President’s bullshit.

Fifty-Six Retired Generals and Admirals Warn That President Trump’s Anti-Transgender Tweets, If Implemented, Would Degrade Military Readiness. I’m not sure if any of these people have ever really thought about transgender rights in their lives, but they do know unfair and ridiculous when they see it.

Finally, 19 attorneys general sent Congress a letter opposing the ban on trans soldiers. The states involved are: Hawaii, New York, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, and Washington D.C.

Back to the bad side of the news. . . Texas.

If you hadn’t heard, Texas ran headfirst into a wall, and decided to implement their own bathroom bill. This was despite some valiant efforts: Despite hours of testimony against the Texas bathroom bill, it passes. Also, Texas Senate passes bathroom bill despite overwhelming police opposition.

Additionally, a lot of businesses stepped up. The Dallas News has two articles:
Oil and gas companies — including Shell, Chevron and Exxon Mobil — come out against Texas bathroom bill
See the letter here without their annoying pop-ups
CEOs from AT&T, American Airlines, TI and BNSF join the chorus against a ‘bathroom bill’

Dallas News has some really annoying pop ups, so here is a quote regarding the businesses that did step up:

CEOs from 14 leading employers in the Dallas area, including AT&T, American Airlines and Texas Instruments, are taking a public stand against a “bathroom bill” that would discriminate against transgender people in Texas.

There is a lot of bad things happening out there, but this is the first time I can really see mainstream people coming out to defend us. Whether they are fighting Trump’s anti-transgender tweets, or Texas’ bathroom bill. It’s nice to see.

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Under Fire

This week was comical in a lot of ways, not in a good comical way, but rather a devastating array of issues. I am starting to grow weary of feeling attacked constantly, and especially with the increased pace that it has happened lately.

The first issue was the medical fight over transgender medical care in the DoD. This is a serious problem in general, no one should be denied transgender medical care. This is also a very serious issue with us in particular. Since the DoD is the one that supplies Wolsey his medical care it was a direct attack on us.

House Rejects Effort To Roll Back Rights For Transgender Members Of The US Military

Fortunately, it did not pass and that vote included GOP members. I suspect it might have been a different direction if it wasn’t DoD based, but our country’s worship of the military actually worked for us, and I am thankful for that.

The second issue was Trump’s actual tweets about denying access for any transgender person to serve in the military in any capacity. Once again this doesn’t effect us directly, as civilian workers, at least at this point, we weren’t in any danger. I would talk more about it, but Wolsey does a much better job here:

7/28/2017 Background Radiation

The third and I think most damaging possibility, yet the least talked about (once again our worship of all things military eclipsed this, along with the healthcare vote) was Session’s directing the Department of Justice to weigh in, using an amicus brief, on a private lawsuit.

“Amicus briefs are legal documents filed in appellate court cases by non-litigants with a strong interest in the subject matter. The briefs advise the court of relevant, additional information or arguments that the court might wish to consider.” (thank you Public Health Law Center for that definition).

Justice Department Says Rights Law Doesn’t Protect Gays

The basic reason of the lawsuit, a skydiving instructor was fired for being gay. The clients that hired him found out his orientation and complained and the company fired him. He in turn filed a lawsuit against them.

The reason the DoJ is filing this brief is as the largest employer in the country. The meaning comes down to the fact that they want to use this as a way to undo protections in their own workforce (e.g. Wolsey and myself and thousands of other federal employees) along with the revoking the LGBTQ protections most of us can use to protect against employment, living conditions, and pretty much every other aspect of our life in this country.

The frustrating part is I have not seen this on the television other than a quick ten second mention. This I find even more drastic, draconian and dangerous than any of the transgender issues (and I find those horrific as well).

In addition a lot of straight people I have talked to don’t understand the danger. They have asked me why I cared, it didn’t effect me. I have had to repeat over a half a dozen times in just a few days why it matters. I just hope to god I was never this way when I still thought I was only a straight ally.

I haven’t delved into this more, I want to do some research on the case, and figure it out so I can talk more. However, I couldn’t avoid posting about it, it has been on my mind all week. I just wonder when we will no longer be under fire like this.

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7/28/2017 Background Radiation

This was a big week. I’m not even sure this counts as background radiation at this point. It’s an outright attack on transgender people. Whether from bigotry, or shallow political showmanship, it’s still a deep cut at allowing transgender people to partake in normal public life.

As you have all heard by now, Trump Tweeted on barring transgender people from serving in any capacity in the military.

I work for an agency within the Department of Defense, so this hits close to home. I am not active duty, and have never served in the military. However, my agency follows guidelines for the entire DoD.

It is unfathomably openly bigoted to even attempt something like this. I’m not surprised the Trump administration is a festering bag of syphilitic dicks, but I am surprised at the sheer audacity with which they put their bigotry on display.

The first article I read on this was from LGBTQNation titled: Trump bans transgender people from serving in the military.

Then from there my RSS and Google Alerts blew up in spectacular fashion.

At this point we all know what Trump, and his hate filled shoulder devil Mike Pence, tried to do. Instead of focussing on a bare number of half illiterate tweets, I’d like to focus on the things that came out of this that gave me hope.

Within 24 hours of receiving this news, I had coworkers sending me emails outraged on my behalf. My friend Steve sent me an article from the Military Times titled: Transgender airman: ‘I would like to see them try to kick me out of my military’

Certifiable Bad Ass and Active Duty

Sgt. Logan Ireland

My friend Christy sent me an email that her friend in the Air Force received. It was sent out by David L. Goldfein, Gen, USAF. It said the Air Force will not be acting on these tweets, and that the Air Force will continue to treat all service members with respect.

I also started to see the responses on the internet pour in.

Caitlyn Jenner came out swinging at Trump in Caitlyn Jenner is upset with Trump over military ban. Love her or hate her, this is significant because she is conservative politically, and has a platform. She’s been used by other conservative politicians as the “trans friend” argument. It’s hard to do that when she’s not being so friendly. Plus, despite what you say about her, she does publicity better than Trumps administration could hope to. That’s her families livelihood.

Like Caitlyn, the Log Cabin Republicans have issued a statement against the Trump administration on this. Log Cabin Republicans Oppose Trump Transgender Military Statement. This is significant for the same reason, in that they have been waved around as proof that this administration is still LGBT friendly.

In fact, here is an entire list that LGBTQNation put together of conservative Republicans that opposed this fuckery These Republicans are giving Trump the finger & supporting transgender rights.

I am so liberal I bleed socialism, but to see people so far on the other side of the political fence opposing this persecution of transgender people in the military is great. By all accounts we have somewhere around 15,000 transgender troops out there. To have conservative people, who might not always view us as normal human beings, come out against this is very hopeful for the future of transgender rights.

But then there is everyone else that stepped up:

Marine General Joseph Dunford, the nations senior military officer and chair of the Joint Chief’s of Staff said they will not act on tweets. They will not act until they receive legit legal policy changes from the white house. He also noted they will continue to treat all troops with respect, similar to the memo my friend Christy sent me. This is the most fuck you, I think the DoD can do, honestly. They have to respond to direct policy change, but he’s pointing out it’s a shit policy change if it happens. Top U.S. general says Pentagon will not change policy on transgender troops until White House acts

The Mayor of Austin is offering police jobs to any transgender troops that were kicked out of the military: Mayor Invites Trans People Banned From Military To Join Police Department

Connecticut Governor Daniel Malloy signed an executive order reinforcing the states nondiscrimination policies within the Connecticut Military Department. Gender identity is specifically called out as protected. Governor Signs Order Against Discrimination of Service Members

There are stacks of websites listing the cost breakdown on what it would cost for transgender health care. This is just one such article from Lifehacker The Military Spends More on Viagra Than on Transgender Soldiers’ Medical Expenses

This is not a small issue. To have our President make this proclamation, via tweet no less, is a stunning nod to all the bigots out there that already hate transgender people. It’s a dangerous time to be out and trans, especially if you are transfeminine and not white. The violence scales towards transgender women, and is higher against people of color.

However, this has also brought us many unlikely allies that have never thought about transgender people before. In my personal life, I have had folks step forward to tell me they are shocked at the bigotry on display, and didn’t know we faced that. If nothing else, we are gaining allies because our opposition has come out looking no better than a playground bully.

Lastly, I’d like to thank Mark Agee for this meme:

 

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I was only gone a minute

I stepped away for a little while to recover from the anxiety and stress of Wolsey’s surgery. I figured it was a safe time to take a break, enjoy the air and not get anxious about anything. Then I come back to this,

The Civil Rights Uniformity Act of 2017

“The U.S. House of Representatives is coming out against transgender rights. Their newly-introduced bill, called the Civil Rights Uniformity Act of 2017, would dismantle Obama’s mandate that trans people be treated as a protected class.”

What is wrong with the conservatives. Honestly, in the past I would say that it isn’t fair to lump the bigoted Trumpers with all conservatives, but the problem is that the conservatives aren’t stopping the madness, so I do have to hold them responsible. This isn’t just for LGBTQA or healthcare, its about everything.

This is on the heels of the House trying to vote down Trans military members from accessing healthcare or being allowed to serve. It was narrowly averted by twenty four GOP congressmen who voted against it. My hat is off to those people. However, those GOP are being called the “Dirty Two Dozen”, which first of all is a lame name, but second of all are already getting flack for voting like that by the other conservatives (media and congress), with one of them coming out and saying he voted against the trans bill “accidentally”. Because of this pressure,  I don’t trust it would be stopped again.

A Close Vote, A Big Win in Congress for Trans Military People

“On Thursday, July 13, 2017 Democrats stood together and tall for common sense military readiness, transgender equality and health care equality and were joined by 24* Republicans and defeated an unnecessary and hateful amendment by Rep. Vicky Hartzler, a Republican from Missouri, that would have banned the coverage of transition-related health care for transgender troops. Hartzler has a long and consistent anti LGBT record. Hartzler has been condemned by LGBT groups for calling transgender service members a “domestic threat” in an interview with the conservative Family Research Council.

The mean-spirited Hartzler amendment, despite the active support of Vice President Mike Pence, narrowly failed, with 209 supporting and 214 opposing.”

This is why we got Wolsey’s surgery done years early. We know we will be out of working for the DoD in 3 years or so. Our office has been good, the agency has tried but the feds have been very very slow, yes even Obama was incredibly slow to do anything about it and only did it after states started making the feds look bad. Also, our work culture is very toxic and having our current president and the sitting congress go crazy is not something we need to deal with. I just look at the shit they are pulling and it is freaking me out.

Overall, I guess I have learned it doesn’t help to take off time and step away, when you come back nothing has changed for the better, just more shit to deal with. So no more of that, at least for now. I should be staying here for a long while at least.

My next goal, go on an internet research hunt to see if anything has changed in finding support for staying married to your newly trans husband scenario. Before, there was absolutely no support for a husband staying with his newly transitioned husband, but maybe in almost four years’ things have changed.

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