Safeway Bathroom

Posted on September 23, 2014 by AccidentallyGay
Just a funny picture.

Just a funny picture of Jello and Marmalade.

This weekend on our way up to see my parents, Jello and I stopped at a Safeway grocery store. The trip is about 100 miles each direction so we wanted something to snack on and drink.

We got in the store and Jello decided to go use the restroom. I didn’t think anything about it and a couple of minutes later I realized I should probably use it too since we would be driving for almost two hours.

I get into the bathroom and I realize someone else is in one of the stalls. I do my thing and wash my hands. While I am washing my hands I realize for the first time ever, the other person in the stall is Jello. For the first time ever both my husband and I are in the same public bathroom.

It was momentarily surreal, in a cool but unexpected way. Of course at this point I said something smartass to him in the stall. He hesitated a second, probably trying to figure out if someone was calling him out (it is a worry he has, that someone will yell at him for being in the wrong bathroom). After a moment he realized it was me and said something smart ass back (I don’t recall what).

I then went into the rest of the store and moved on. We laughed about it in the car. I just wanted to share the experience. It was a tiny experience, caused a little bit of disorientation when it happened but was funny.

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Awkward Moment

Posted on September 21, 2014 by AccidentallyGay
Grumpy Jello is grumpy at IHOP!

Grumpy Jello is grumpy at IHOP!

This morning Jello and I went to IHOP. We have just moved to our new place, and this is our real first meal out. We showed up and it was semi-crowded with the early morning Sunday crowd.

The young man who was the host politely led us to our table and we sat down. He went through his normal spiel and looked down at Jello and myself and asked if he could do anything more for me “sir”.

I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as he turned to Jello. When he did, the magic words came out of his mouth.

“Can I get anything for you ma’am?”.

I froze with that uncomfortable feeling, and at the same time I saw Jello freeze as well. He left and we looked at each other and I could feel the cringe in my face. Jello took it really well, its the first time in weeks I have heard him misgendered and not a big deal.

A few minutes later the host came back around to ask if we wanted something to drink. I told him water and Jello told him tea. He said he would bring it to us and referenced me as “sir” and Jello as “ma’am” twice more. I couldn’t keep my  mouth shut at this point.

I told him that he needs to say sir. He looked confused and I repeated it twice. He still didn’t seem to understand until Jello looked up and said “I am a guy”. The host looked horrified that he misspoke. I do have to say at that moment he confirmed it wasn’t intentional. He stammered an apology and even when he brought our drinks he averted his eyes in shame. Is it bad I thought he should feel that?

All the other people at IHOP (and the guy at AT&T) all identified Jello as a guy, so I think that reassured him. It was just an awkward moment, that happens much less now. I think in another year no one will second guess.

Just wanted to share an awkward moment with all of you.

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Jello Picture

Posted on September 11, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

An actual approved picture of Jello. Eating out a lot this week due to the move. Will be back next week after the move.

I love him!

Hanging at Ivars

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Kieran Strange

Posted on September 5, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

I promise I am still around. I am picking up the keys to our new apt on Sunday and we are moving in Saturday the 13th and things should be more regular after that.

However, my wonderful hubbie found this video and I really like it.

See you folks soon!

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9 Months

Posted on August 27, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

I apologize that I have been quiet. New job, travel and stress have made things very difficult. To hold you off for awhile, I present you with Jello’s 9 month update!

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T means what?

Posted on August 13, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

Yesterday was my second day at my new federal job. The job itself has a lot of future potential so overall I am happy with it. However, that isn’t what I am here to post about.

We were in a teleconference from offices around the country. It was the EEO lecture (Equal Employment Opportunity), where we learn about sexual harassment, discrimination based on age, gender, etc. We went in depth on a lot of it. After a few minutes the presenter did say there was a new section that is protected, it was written by President Obama by executive order. The presenter said unfortunately she hadn’t updated the slides so she would just have to verbally tell us about it.

I almost cheered at this point, as I had already read about the LGBT Executive Order when it came out. The presenter continued, “It is the legal protection of lesbians, gays, and…. transvestites”. Yes, that is what she said. I think I was stunned for a few minutes. One of the main people for the EEO protection for my federal agency not only missed the term transgender, but actually called them transvestites.

It was truly a face-palm moment for me. My first reaction was to correct her, but it was my second day on the job, I have a year’s probation to go through and publicly correcting her would be political suicide. Also, very important for me to note, I don’t think she meant it in a bad way. She was struggling from memory on what the order passed and I suspect she just had no experience, so I wanted to be clear about the fact I don’t think she at all meant it in what she would constitute a negative way.

I then debated on calling her privately, or sending her an IM (our agency uses IM to talk with each other). However that didn’t seem like a smart idea. We are a single income home at the moment and even though we are only barely getting by, any job had to get now would probably pay even less. So like a jerk, I said nothing, did nothing.

I knew my husband would support this decision (and would actually prefer it since I usually balk at authority and would say something), however I still feel like a betrayer. It bothered me all night and probably contributed to the fact that I am awake hours earlier then I wanted to be today.

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7th and 8th month post

Posted on August 3, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

Here is Jello’s 7th and 8th month update combined. It has been a busy time.

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A little nervous

Posted on August 3, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

I realize my posts about the transition/LGBT stuff has been sporadic lately. It is due to Jello’s graduating and looking for work, the fact that I got told my current job is ending possibly in three months and overall stress. So job hunting stress wasn’t going well to begin with.

However some good and anxiety driving news  has happened. I accepted a job with the Department of Defense as a Defense Contractor Auditor. I will be auditing large defense contractors in order to make sure they are not misspending taxpayer money. As a side note, some people have warned me that I am revealing details about my personal life. I am out of the closet. I keep things semi-anonymous just to stop the part time trolls. I am not ashamed of what I do, or especially of my husband. If people find my blog, I am ok with it.

This is great news, it is especially fortuitous since Obama just signed additional protections for the LGBT community See Link Here. However the nerve wracking part is this is my first time starting a job in a homosexual marriage. Not that I am not proud of my wonderful husband Jello, it is just a different set of anxieties.

Before this I was hired and for the first few months people identified me as a cis-gendered white male in a heterosexual marriage, pretty much the “easy” setting for life. Now I am no longer outwardly heterosexual when people meet me (let alone the other issues that aren’t so obvious), so I have stepped up the difficulty setting by one notch (although to be perfectly honest it isn’t even close to as hard as someone who is not heterosexual and a person of color, or someone who is transgender, I completely realize that). My privilege card has been reduced at work for the first time, and it is something I am sure to realize more fully as time goes on.

I guess I am making it more then it is though. I keep going over how to explain we have been married 22 years when they ask about my spouse, since it hasn’t been legal that long to be in a same sex marriage. I don’t know what photos to have in my cubicle space or how to answer questions. I don’t want to necessarily out Jello as transgender. Not because how it reflects on me, they can screw off on that, but I don’t want him to feel I am embarrassed, or that I need to explain to everyone why I am with him. I know he is ok with me keeping photos and talking about our marriage and him before the transition, but part of me feels like I am betraying his transition when I do that.

Also there is a bit of nervousness as well due to my new employee status. I had finished my probationary period as an underground economy auditor for the ESD about four months ago (hence I came out to them about Jello). Now I am in a new position at a federal agency and I have to survive a year before this probationary period ends.

It isn’t that I am worried too much about the job. I would be sad to lose the job because of some narrow minded jerk, but would move on. I worry because for the next couple of months I am the sole supporter. Jello might have a job as soon as next week, but it will take a few weeks to get him up and running with steady paychecks.

I am sure I will talk more about this anxiety. It is a new type of anxiety, and I am definitely behind the curve compared to someone else my age and in a same sex marriage since I didn’t have to come out in my teens/early twenties.

Although to make it absolutely clear, Jello is absolutely worth it and I have no regrets.

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Regrets, not really

Posted on July 29, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

I woke up this morning really upset. It was a stupid and emotional  upset that I am sure is based on the anxiety and stress of a possible new job, having to move into an apartment I won’t get to see before we move into it, and money worries. I woke up really upset that I never got a professional studio photo of Jello and I before he transitioned.

I realize this is ridiculous, I have Jello, I love Jello and I don’t have any regrets on his transitioning. It was just my mind reaching for something it could freak out. I have plenty of pictures of him as my wife marking our marriage before the transition.

It was only for a few minutes that my anxiety and regret hit, but I thought it would be good to post it. To reassure anyone else out there that is the partner of someone transitioning, that it is normal to have momentary regrets, and anxiety attacks.

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Apartment hunting

Posted on July 24, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

Things have been hectic lately. I have been given a tentative offer for a new job. This means Jello and I have to move about 40 miles south of our current location if it is finalized (the commute from my current place to the new place would be minimum 1.5 hours each way, way too much of a commute for me to want to do). So this is it, our first apartment hunting as a gay couple.

After a week or so of stressing, Jello and I actually started visiting our first complex. The lady who was showing things to us was super sweet. The whole time she referred to Jello as a male, used all the right male pronouns and it is the first time that I think the person had absolutely no question about his gender. She even looked at his driver’s license and didn’t notice that the driver’s license gender doesn’t match what Jello looks like.

She evidently thought we were the cutest gay couple that finished each other’s sentences.

It was a pretty cool thing. The first time since Jello’s transition that no one even blinked. Jello can pass on his own, but something about me evidently screams heterosexual enough that he normally gets “ma’am’d” by people. Which is always uncomfortable since I have seen him come into stores and get “sir’d” by people usually.

Both he and I were excited by this experience. It was an awesome first time. I didn’t have a lot to talk about this situation. I just wanted to share it with all of you.

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