I like Philadelphia

Posted on January 19, 2015 by AccidentallyGay
Hotel I stayed at.

Hotel I stayed at.

I am back finally, after a week of training in Philadelphia. I have to say I kind of like the area, and I was surprised. I guess Atlanta left a bad taste in my mouth.

I know that Philadelphia is known as the city of “brotherly love”, but I wasn’t sure how well it would handle the LGBT crowd. Sadly I didn’t get to go to a lot of places. I stayed in old town, across the street from Independence Hall at the Monaco, so I did get to visit some historical things, but nothing LGBT orientated.

Training was pretty in-depth (it was a detailed stats class for auditing) so I didn’t have time to go to the Gayborhood. I am sorry about that too, especially since I evidently walked right up to the borders of it without knowing it.

You might ask why then would it deserve a post here, and not just in my normal blog. I did have a good LGBT experience anyways. While I was in Atlanta I got some serious, but subtle pushback for having a husband. Most of the people that had a problem were from the Southern and Central states (new employees going through the same training). It wasn’t the same here.

It was unusual I got sent to Philly, pretty much all my co-students were from Philidelphia, Baltimore and north of Philly such as New Jersey, New York and Buffalo. I didn’t get any of the same cold shoulder there, no subtle jabs or being cut out of things. I talked with several locals and when talking about family I told them I had a husband. I didn’t get the same double look, or the same change in attitude.

That was it for my LGBT experience there, but it was already 1000 x better than Atlanta. I think I would take the hubby here for a vacation and to check it out if we were considering moving out of the pacific northwest.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming

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Will be back

Posted on January 11, 2015 by AccidentallyGay

Just a heads up that I am flying out to Philly this weekend for training and will be back the 16th (someone asked when my next post would be). I should have stories about Philadelphia then (maybe), I meant to post more, but got caught up in life. We will be back when I get regular access to my comp after next weekend (maybe some remote posts, you never know).

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Outing Update

Posted on January 8, 2015 by AccidentallyGay
Still not how our dinner looked.

Still not how our dinner looked.

I have a quick update about my last post (First Outing). My coworkers all returned from vacation and we got to talk for awhile. The lady who kept misgendering Jello actually apologized.

She said she had been drinking quite a lot, and she was hoping my hubby wasn’t hugely mad. I explained it was a little awkward, but we both understood (although it is weird that she had never met my husband before, why would she misgender him). However during the apology something even more awesome happened.

One of my other coworkers leaned over and said “Ya, we all saw X misgender your husband, we all texted him at the table telling him to shut up, and quit doing it”. X also confirmed this, she said she got text bombed for it.

Now, I realize it didn’t change anything in the encounter, but it made me feel better that my more sober coworkers saw the issue and tried to stop it. I hadn’t expected it. I still probably won’t go hang out with them a lot (I always hate hanging with my coworkers). I do appreciate though that they cared that much.

It also made Jello feel better as well, so I call it a win.

PS All of them wanted to tell me my hubby looks like Jeremy Renner, they are right but I thought maybe I was the only one that saw it (the photo in the last post doesn’t do it justice).

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First Outing

Posted on January 1, 2015 by AccidentallyGay
Definitely not how our dinner looked.

Definitely not how our dinner looked.

The hubby and I aren’t the most extroverted personalities. We tend to not go out without each other (to work get togethers, or to meet new people). My coworkers have for weeks been trying to get me to go out for drinks after work. Finally a time was arranged and the husband was going to go with me (they were down with that).

First, I should clarify that I believe all my coworkers (at least the ones I went out with) all know my husband’s transition situation. This is because they know that we have been married for 22 years, while same-sex marriage is only legal for 2 years so they eventually just came forward and asked.

We show up at the place (Joey’s, an upscale bar like place outside the local mall, evidently players from the Seattle Seahawks go there a lot). Like expected it was fairly expensive place (most of my coworkers here are GS 12, while I am still only GS 9 and won’t hit 12 for another 18 months, the difference is about 25k starting a year between the two grades). We were prepared and it wasn’t a big deal, but it definitely wasn’t a place we would frequent.

However, by the time we got there evidently we had missed a couple of rounds of drinks. My coworkers had loosened up and were joking around (definitely more loosened up then I feel comfortable doing myself in a dinner setting). The language and subject matter at the table was of course not repeatable (my coworkers have the dirtiest mouths/minds) but they all were very very accepting of the hubby. I do think there were questions that wanted to be asked, but it was polite.

The only negative part was one of my female coworkers kept misgendering the husband. I want to say first that she was pretty well hammered, so I don’t personally get too offended (and the hubby didn’t either). She wouldn’t have ever known that the hubby went through a transition if I hadn’t talked to them, so it is always a mildly uncomfortable interaction for that reason.

Here is a pic of the two of us (hubby and myself). I don’t think it is the most flattering for me (was tempted, but no photoshopping), but we have so few pictures together that I will take it! I love that little man so much.

A picture of the two of us.I am still amazed he has stayed with me, and thankful.

So that was our first trip out, shortly thereafter some sort of discussion on Judaism and if people could convert broke out inappropriately among my cohorts. The funny thing is I suggested they ask our Jewish coworker who was sitting with us (and he was happy to explain) but they didn’t want to ask. Yep, it went pear shaped even quicker after that.

We successfully extricated ourselves, got home and swore to never do that again :).

 

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DMV

Posted on December 20, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

Tired theocraticjello on a very early Saturday morning getting his gender marker changed at the DMV.

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Question 12/16/14

Posted on December 17, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

schoolkids-ca-1935I got a question on the TUMBLR for this blog. I responded with my limited experience. I would like it if I could get feedback from my friends here on my response. This is how I feel, but I would love any feedback if possible.

 

Question: I’m in a long term relationship with someone who is trans (FTM). When we first got together it was before he had come out. I identify as a lesbian and its becoming harder and harder for me to accept the changes. Any advice?

Answer: I wish I could give you a quick answer, but there really isn’t an easy and quick answer. There are two pieces of advice I want to give.

The first advice I can give you is to be honest with your partner. Don’t hold back what you are thinking or feeling. Relationships take work, however there comes a point when it isn’t something that can be done (and  to be fair to both parties this should be talked about). What you should do is talk with your partner and determine if you reach the breaking point.

If you get to a point where it isn’t going to work then make it clear and make a clean break. They are already going through such a harsh situation that they don’t need to feel as if someone was lying to them, or only being with them in pity.

The second part of the advice is that there are other options then a traditional relationship. I haven’t talked about this much, but poly or open relationships sometimes work better than a traditional monogamous situations. Sometimes your partner can’t meet all your needs, and if arrangements could be made that both parties would be ok with then maybe that is an option.

Important to note, you can still support and be there for your partner without being in a relationship. 

However, unless that is something that is workable for you, you just need to be honest with your partner, talk to them and keep talking as you try to work things out. Once you know that you can’t be attracted to them, shift the parameters of the relationship or more likely just leave. There isn’t a lot you can do at that point except treat them with respect and honesty.

 

link to tumblr post: http://reinventinglucky.tumblr.com/post/105494457792/im-in-a-long-term-relationship-with-someone-who

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It is official!

Posted on December 16, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

It is official, I am in a same sex marriage (the hubby’s ID has been recognized by the state). YAY!!!

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Important Break

Posted on December 14, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

We will be breaking from the normal subject matter of this blog. I feel this message is important enough to do this.

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Retracted Post

Posted on December 13, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

accidentallygayFIJust a brief update, this morning I wrote a post and a few people liked it. If you did, you will find it gone because I want to rewrite it. It wasn’t mean and didn’t point out specific people, but I felt perhaps while it was about an awkward situation, it would make the situation even more unnecessarily awkward (and no it wasn’t about Jell0).

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One Year Today

Posted on December 6, 2014 by AccidentallyGay

its a boyWell this is it, Jello’s one year anniversary after taking his first shot of testosterone. I think I will need to take him out to eat today and buy him a lot of things.

The year has gone pretty well, honestly a lot better then I had worried. I was originally extremely worried he would leave me. Not because he has ever indicated that, but because I evidently have a horrible sense of self-esteem.

I am so very proud of him. He has changed a lot, but strangely enough he really hasn’t changed at all. He is becoming the man he always has been. I can see it more and more as the days go by.

I will be honest, every once in awhile I will catch an unexpected glimpse of a photo or video of Jello and there is a weird catch in my chest. A brief (very very brief) moment of disorientation and even loss, but that goes away within a second or two. Strangely enough the catch is usually when I hear his voice before the testosterone, not just from a picture.

It’s funny, I can’t even remember his voice being girly. That voice isn’t him (the one from the past) and I don’t think without seeing an image of him with that voice that I would even recognize it.

Here is to the wonders of testosterone, and how it has allowed my husband to grow into the person he was supposed to be. I love him more than anything, including life itself.

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