The hubby and I aren’t the most extroverted personalities. We tend to not go out without each other (to work get togethers, or to meet new people). My coworkers have for weeks been trying to get me to go out for drinks after work. Finally a time was arranged and the husband was going to go with me (they were down with that).
First, I should clarify that I believe all my coworkers (at least the ones I went out with) all know my husband’s transition situation. This is because they know that we have been married for 22 years, while same-sex marriage is only legal for 2 years so they eventually just came forward and asked.
We show up at the place (Joey’s, an upscale bar like place outside the local mall, evidently players from the Seattle Seahawks go there a lot). Like expected it was fairly expensive place (most of my coworkers here are GS 12, while I am still only GS 9 and won’t hit 12 for another 18 months, the difference is about 25k starting a year between the two grades). We were prepared and it wasn’t a big deal, but it definitely wasn’t a place we would frequent.
However, by the time we got there evidently we had missed a couple of rounds of drinks. My coworkers had loosened up and were joking around (definitely more loosened up then I feel comfortable doing myself in a dinner setting). The language and subject matter at the table was of course not repeatable (my coworkers have the dirtiest mouths/minds) but they all were very very accepting of the hubby. I do think there were questions that wanted to be asked, but it was polite.
The only negative part was one of my female coworkers kept misgendering the husband. I want to say first that she was pretty well hammered, so I don’t personally get too offended (and the hubby didn’t either). She wouldn’t have ever known that the hubby went through a transition if I hadn’t talked to them, so it is always a mildly uncomfortable interaction for that reason.
Here is a pic of the two of us (hubby and myself). I don’t think it is the most flattering for me (was tempted, but no photoshopping), but we have so few pictures together that I will take it! I love that little man so much.
I am still amazed he has stayed with me, and thankful.
So that was our first trip out, shortly thereafter some sort of discussion on Judaism and if people could convert broke out inappropriately among my cohorts. The funny thing is I suggested they ask our Jewish coworker who was sitting with us (and he was happy to explain) but they didn’t want to ask. Yep, it went pear shaped even quicker after that.
We successfully extricated ourselves, got home and swore to never do that again :).
You must feel good to have got that over with! Nice pic!
Thanks for both things. I am always uncomfortable with pictures. I was honestly more worried how my hubby would handle it. I don’t really care what my coworkers think, I have no problem getting aggressive, or just quitting. However, it was a relief that it worked out :).
Nothing is going to go 100% well, but it sounds like it went really well all things considered. And now you are both out of the closet at your job, which in the long run is great – since it will allow you to relax about it a little more.
It is definitely more relaxing. Not that I really care what they think (I honestly could care less if I found a different job tomorrow, the pay is the only thing I would miss and that isn’t even until after my probationary period).
It was nice though that my coworkers tried so hard, I honestly hadn’t expected that.
Know what I love?
That you’re like “I’m so happy he’s stayed with me,” but it’s generally expected that the trans partner in a cis/trans partnership be super grateful their cis partner would “put up with that.”
And it’s not that we shouldn’t be grateful to be loved, but it’s awesome to hear someone cis say they’re grateful that their trans partner was willing to stick out transition with them, rather than expecting it to be the other way around, you know?
Am I making an ass of myself? I hope not. My point is that I’m happy you two have each other.
You are definitely not making an ass of yourself, thank you for your words!
You guys look so happy together, nice pic. Glad it all worked out with the co-workers, makes it all a little easier!
I just started reading your blog and it is really giving me some confidence. (Please forgive any ignorance or misgivings in the word choice here. I’m fairly new in the community, and not always sure about the words to use in the community.) My fiance is currently transitioning ftm. We are set to get hitched in September 2015. I was just wondering if you had any advice to give on staying strong and supportive to your partner. I really appreciate any words of wisdom.
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