Background Radiation 1/6/17

Posted on January 6, 2017 by Wolsey

This is my weekly roundup of the background radiation I am exposed to. It’s usually the bad and ugly of how the world treats LGBT folks, with a heavier emphasis on the T’s. I like to leave the full links exposed because then you can see where the article is.

I am a big news consumer, and these are just a small sampling of what’s been going down in the past week.

Background Radiation

This week was a special kind of news disaster, in that there were more stories than I’ve seen in a while.

Let’s start with the anti-transgender round up this morning by state because holy cow the things going down this week.

Kentucky:

Headline: Kentucky Democrat Introduces Two Anti-LGBT Bills

http://www.advocate.com/politics/2017/1/04/kentucky-democrat-introduces-two-anti-lgbt-bills

This guy is a Democrat in Kentucky. What do these political designations even mean these days? He’s putting out two anti-LGBT bills. House Bill 105 is a religious right to discriminate law, which also says there will be no law that supersedes it, to prevent discrimination, and House Bill 106 is a straight up bathroom bill requiring public restrooms to only allow folks matching the “biological sex” on the door. I’m pretty sure if I went in the ladies room in Kentucky, the cops would be called these days.

Texas:

Headline: Following North Carolina’s example, Texas Republicans unveil ‘bathroom bill’

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2017/01/05/following-north-carolinas-example-texas-republicans-unveil-bathroom-bill/?utm_term=.5b354318aa76

This is another bathroom bill attempting to force transgender people into a bathroom based on their “biological sex”, and like the above bills in Kentucky it would preempt local non-discrimination ordinances. I’m betting they are word for word similar, and came from the same place.

Headline: What’s a Hippocratic Oath: Texas Judge Allows Doctors to Discriminate Against Trans/Abortion Patients

http://www.themarysue.com/whats-a-hippocratic-oath/

Additionally, in Texas, a transgender man was denied a hysterectomy from a Catholic hospital based on “religious” objections. As if Jesus said anywhere in the bible anything about transgender folks. They also refuse to treat any person that has had an abortion in the past. They are being sued, and are arguing that it is too risky to treat transgender people at all, or folks that have had abortions. I think the medical term for that theory is “bullshit”.

Headline: Texas judge halts federal transgender health protections

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/12/31/texas-judge-halts-federal-transgender-health-protections.html

This Texas judge ordered a temporary injunction stoping the anti-discrimination part of the ACA that prevents discrimination against transgender people. Apparently conservatives think they will be forced to treat trans folks, you know, like other folks with similar medical problems.

I still remember thanking my doctor for not turning me out when I came out. He was shocked up here in the Pacific Northwest, and horrified when I told him I knew folks whose doctors refused to even fill basic medical scripts after finding out their patient was trans.

I’ll be honest, I found this out on Saturday, and it really hit me hard. We had come so far, and now to be told we are not worth equal medical consideration is a blow.

Alabama:

Headline: Alabama Republicans want to introduce actual real-life bathroom police

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2017/01/05/alabama-republicans-want-to-introduce-actual-real-life-bathroom-police/

They want to police people in the bathroom. Probably the focus would be on the women’s room. It forces any public institution that has a “trans friendly bathroom” to hire security to be posted in that bathroom. By trans friendly bathroom, I think they mean a normal bathroom where folks just go to pee without being hassled.

Virginia:

Headline: Virginia GOP Lawmaker Introduces Another Shitty Transphobic ‘Bathroom Bill’

http://jezebel.com/viriginia-gop-lawmaker-introduces-another-shitty-transp-1790784942

This bill is worse than the usual shif-fest of bigotry and hate. It included a clause to force schools to out transgender children to their family. This is horrific, because if a family isn’t safe, that could lead to the child being abused, or rendered homeless.

There was some good news on this one though.

Headline: Virginia Governor signs executive order protecting LGBT people

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2017/01/05/virginia-governor-signs-executive-order-protecting-lgbt-people/

The Virginia Governor has vowed to veto this bill, and he’s also signed an executive order to protect LGBT folks.

Alright. I’m done with this week. My list of possible links for today was about three times as long. I know I am still missing things that are important, but I’m going to crawl back in bad, and play Minecraft, and have a beer. Stay safe out there.

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Gentle and Kind

Posted on January 1, 2017 by AccidentallyGay

workThere are some coworkers who I don’t write about. Not because they are homophobic, or an ally, but just because I don’t work with them much. Some of those people sit by themselves, keep to themselves and they are definitely worth getting to know… usually.

I have a coworker that I shall name Pamela. Pamela is an older woman who has worked for the agency for a few years About a year and a half ago she came to our office. No one really talks to her, no one sits with her and it bothered me. She then came in with a cast and for some reason that day I decided I had to get to know her.

We sat and talked for quite a while. She was kind, maybe a bit conservative but not in the homophobic way. She was excited to meet me and after that day of sitting together she always says hi, always wants me to go to lunch with her. Now, I am a loner at work a lot, at least when Wolsey isn’t there, so I don’t take her up on it very often.

Fast forward to Wolsey getting hired. Pamela was excited to meet Wolsey. Still very kind she always asks about Wolsey, and always wants to do lunch. I really do like Pamela, even if we don’t really have anything in common.

Right after Wolsey came onboard, Pamela’s team moved to another building on our rather large campus. So now I only see her on IM, and occasionally for multi-office potlucks. This last potluck I was deathly sick, but Wolsey went to it. For the week before Pamela kept telling me she had something for us, so I felt bad I couldn’t go.

At the potluck Wolsey talked with Pamela and Pamela talked about her prior boss who was LGBTQIA and how great that person was. She then handed Wolsey a bag of cookies she made, that were pretty darn good, and said “The gays are a gentle and kind people.” I guess right after that she then went on to explain she didn’t understand why her gay boss and another gay coworker fought all the time.

Pamela is very gentle herself, just her uttering “the gays are a gentle and kind people” made me almost spit coffee out my nose.

I figure there is so much out there that is dark, cynical and brooding while we fight off homophobes, bigots and racists that I need to occasionally post about sweet older women and their belief in a kinder and gentler gay person.

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Background Radiation 12/30/16

Posted on December 30, 2016 by Wolsey

This is my weekly roundup of the background radiation I am exposed to. It’s usually the bad and ugly of how the world treats LGBT folks, with a heavier emphasis on the T’s. I like to leave the full links exposed because then you can see where the article is.

I am a big news consumer, and these are just a small sampling of what’s been going down in the past week.

Background Radiation

Headline: Incarceration Rates and Traits of Sexual Minorities in the United States: National Inmate Survey, 2011–2012

http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/abs/10.2105/AJPH.2016.303576

This falls under good news and bad news. It’s very good news we are even doing these studies. I like reading studies from the source material because it’s so common for news sources to distort findings.

In this case, let me lay down the brief abstract:

  • “Results. Sexual minorities (those who self-identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual or report a same-sex sexual experience before arrival at the facility) were disproportionately incarcerated: 9.3% of men in prison, 6.2% of men in jail, 42.1% of women in prison, and 35.7% of women in jail were sexual minorities. The incarceration rate of self-identified lesbian, gay, or bisexual persons was 1882 per 100 000, more than 3 times that of the US adult population. Compared with straight inmates, sexual minorities were more likely to have been sexually victimized as children, to have been sexually victimized while incarcerated, to have experienced solitary confinement and other sanctions, and to report current psychological distress.”

I kind of knew that this was a thing, but to see it laid out in start numbers is still startling.

Headline: Men more concerned about trans women using bathrooms, study finds

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/12/28/men-more-concerned-about-trans-women-using-bathrooms-study-finds/

This study is hard to read easily on it’s site, but Pink News does a pretty good job on the findings. They also were fantastic in detailing the studies limitations.

That said, it’s not shocking that men are more worried about transgender women using women’s restrooms than women are. This falls in line with what I see about the people freaking out about transgender women in the bathroom. Most folks don’t even realize there are transgender men like me using men’s restrooms. It’s just a way to harass and attack transgender women.

Headline: North Carolina Senate rejects repeal of transgender bathroom law

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/USA-Update/2016/1221/North-Carolina-Senate-rejects-repeal-of-transgender-bathroom-law

Because of course they did. I have no words for the idiocy here.

Headline: Man found guilty of murdering ex-girlfriend because she was transgender in landmark case

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/transgender-murder-man-guilty-joshua-vallum-lgbt-victim-mercedes-williamson-federal-hate-crime-laws-a7489771.html

This is bitter sweet. Horrifically, the 29 year old murderer killed his 17 year old transgender girlfriend because he feared reprisals from other gang members because he was with a transgender girl. The silver lining is he was convicted. He is the first person to be convicted under federal hate crime laws.

Can we also spare a thought to the fact that he was 29 and she was 17?

Headline: Black transgender subway rider slashed after offering his seat

http://nypost.com/2016/12/26/transgender-black-man-slashed-after-offering-his-seat/

She had a problem with him being black, and attacked him after he offered his seat.

This article:

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/subway-rider-stabbed-transgender-man-acted-self-defense-article-1.2925636

points out the assailant lives in a women’s shelter and has psychiatric issues, and is now claiming self defense despite following the victim to his new seat to attack him, with witnesses. This is sad all over.

Headline: 8-year-old transgender boy asked to leave Cub Scout pack, mother says

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/12/27/8-year-old-transgender-boy-asked-to-leave-cub-scout-pack-mother-says.html

Yeah yeah, I know, this is a Fox news, but I thought they did a great job on the article. I read that the mother had called the Boy Scout troop in question to make sure it was okay before taking her son to the troop. He attended for a month, then Boom! she gets a call saying he can’t come back.

I picked this article out of about a dozen for the last line:

  • “The Boy Scouts did not respond to questions about whether the group would accept a transgender girl whose birth certificate indicates she is male.”

I mean, it’s a good question.

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Sometimes prejudice works for you

Posted on December 25, 2016 by AccidentallyGay

Wolsey and I have worked together most of our lives. Usually we job hop, one of us would find a decent job, or at least one that we can tolerate, and the other will get hired on. We have done this in fast food jobs, retail, medical, and now for the first time we both work for the DoD in the same office.

People ask what we mean by job hop, the answer is that each of us have tipped over 60 jobs each and I would say half of the time we end up working with each other. Some may think this number is overblown, but I assure you it is actually a bit higher. We both have worked multiple jobs at the same time and before my job with SAO (at the age 37) the longest I had stayed at any one job was 10 months. We both get bored with jobs easily, and neither of us have been fired.

job-hopper-article-1

I love working with him. A lot of people get a strange look on their face, they can’t imagine working with their spouse. I explain I am working with my best friend, who just happens to be my spouse. Also, unlike many couples I have seen in the past, we don’t bring personal stuff to work. Having owned a couple of businesses together we have learned to put that away when we go to work, much to the disbelief of coworkers.

It was by accident that Wolsey was assigned to my office, originally he was supposed to work for a different office, but for whatever administration issue that happened he was assigned to mine. He doesn’t work on my team, which is fine, but we do sit about 40 feet apart or so.

youre-just-a-tad-too-close

I am sure this is how he feels sometimes.

Working with him relieves my anxiety a lot, which ensures I will stay at my job longer. In fact, when I got the job offer from the VA Office of Inspector General my current boss at the time asked what would keep me at the DoD. I was extremely stressed with my dad just passing and my mom’s health failing that I told him working with Wolsey was the key, don’t transfer us to separate places. He was fine with that and almost a year later we are still working together. While this is not my favorite office, it does mean I will try and stay on as long as Wolsey is here.

Fast forward to now. There were several openings in the other office that our office was told it needed “volunteers”. There was a bit of anxiety because some of the supervisors said we might get split up because there was an unofficial policy that spouses can’t work in the same office. We were warned it may be coming that we got split up even against our will.

volunteer

Needless to say there was a lot of anxiety. So much so that I dug around federal human resources regulations and found that there is a 1978 Civil Service Reform Act that prohibits personnel actions based on several protected classes. One of them is marital status. I prepared my argument that they don’t move us because of their “unofficial” policy.

Two weeks go by and several coworkers get moved, but no sign of us. I asked some people “in the know” what was up. They laughed and said that Wolsey and I probably didn’t have to worry about a transfer. The Office Manager for the other office wouldn’t want one of us.

did-you-say-you-don39t-want-me-meme-32450

I was told “unofficially” that the other office manager was from a very conservative religion that may or may not be based in Utah. That the office manager himself was very conservative and evidently there is really no way he would willing choose someone as alternative as Wolsey or myself.

I was incensed for the first thirty seconds. Then I realized why the other office’s manager would never look directly at me when we had to talk. I was even more angry for another thirty seconds. Then I realized I had lucked out in a way. While the guy may not be accepting of Wolsey and I, it did mean I never had to worry about him pushing for either Wolsey or I being transferred to him.

notevenmad

Turns out that while close minded thinking hurts us overall, sometimes it works out for us on the small scale.

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Background Radiation 12/23/16

Posted on December 23, 2016 by Wolsey

This is my Friday round up of the news stories that really stuck with me over the last week.

Background Radiation

Headline: Despite Obstacles, more Transgender Iowans are Seeking “Lifesaving” Medical Treatments.

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/2016/12/15/transgender-health-care/95306212/

I live in a state that forces insurers to cover transgender peoples medical care, but Iowa doesn’t. This is a decent article, despite the scare quotes around “lifesaving” in the title. Considering there is a growing body of actual evidence that HRT and surgeries to treat transgender people is factually life saving in a lot of instances, they still want to put scare quotes around it, as if there isn’t a massive suicide and murder rate for transgender people.

Headline: Why Loretta Lynch Told Transgender Americans “We See You”

https://www.buzzfeed.com/dominicholden/why-loretta-lynch-told-transgender-americans-we-see-you?utm_term=.lj1zPLkP4#.eqJ9nXpnD

I liked this. I liked that someone that had a position of power could try to give us some protections from the bigotry that is being legislated into existence all around us. It’s the first time in memory that anybody in that kind of position of power has ever reached out to our community like that.

Headline: Vile Trolls Target Loved Ones of Trans Activist Hours After Her Death

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/12/20/vile-trolls-target-loved-ones-of-trans-activist-hours-after-death/

This is one of the most heartbreaking stories I’ve read this week. She died, and trolls and hate filled bigots rushed social media to attack her, and her loved ones, because she is transgender. I don’t have words for how fucked up that is. I quote the Preacher on Firefly, there is a special place in hell for people like that.

Headline: Transgender Americans Race to Finish Paperwork Before Trump Administration

http://www.npr.org/2016/12/17/503753624/transgender-americans-race-to-finish-paperwork-before-trump-administration

This is a reality. I am pretty lucky in that my state makes it easy to get your paperwork changed, but you still need your social security card, and passport changed federally.

I can’t say that Trumps circus hasn’t made me really consider some issues regarding my own transition. I am in a better financial situation than a lot of folks, but I do wonder how his merry band of bigots are going to make my life harder.

Getting paperwork fast tracked, and getting medical care lined up, is definitely a reality for a lot of transgender people.

Headline: Trans Student Publicly Mocked by Milo Yiannopoulos’ University Tour Rejects School’s Apology in Spectacular Fashion

http://www.themarysue.com/milo-yiannopoulos-university-apology/

Milo is a terrible human being. It’s funny to me that I watch a lot of science fiction and fantasy media, where the evil is always otherworldly and non-human. Yet, here is a man that causes so much harm to others. He genuinely hurts people, using his position and his followers. That to me, is the real mundane evil in our world.

I really feel for the woman he attacked in such a vicious, and unconscionable way. I can’t imagine sitting there in the audience to watch this go down. I am also disgusted by the lackluster response form the university chancellor.

I’m not surprised, because to quote one of my favorite web comics: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/02-that-perfect-girl/antagonize/

2016-01-23-antagonize

Carla, the gal in a pink shirt over a white shirt happens to be transgender, and the comic really does a good job with her. I feel a lot of transgender people end up in that position.

Headline: Conservative group to push transgender bathroom bill

http://www.argusleader.com/story/news/politics/2016/12/21/conservative-group-push-transgender-bathroom-bill/95706260/

Bathroom bills. Have you ever just seen something so stupid, that you are tired of arguing about it? That’s how I feel about bathroom bills. They are mostly used to attack transgender women. I have no doubt nobody wants my bearded self in the women’s room, and any attempts for me to do so would result in the cops being called. It’s not about where we pee, it’s about cutting us out of public life. It’s about trying to push us out of existence, really. I mean, if you can’t pee while out in public, you can’t really go out in public, can you? Ask the suffragettes about how women being banned from public unisex restrooms became an issue.

These bathroom bills are popping up everywhere. There’s even one in my state being put forward:

http://www.washingtonwontdiscriminate.org/blog/dont-let-washington-become-the-next-north-carolina/

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Some Frustrations

Posted on December 16, 2016 by AccidentallyGay

what-did-you-just-sayThe most frustrating thing for me is the inability to address a situation that bothers me. This happened recently, for the first time someone made a derogatory/homophobic/transphobic comment to Wolsey, and because it happened at work I couldn’t do anything.

One of our coworkers finally realized that Wolsey was transgender about a year after working with him. The coworker didn’t realize it by clocking Wolsey. It just came up for the twenty thousandth time, and the guy finally realized it then.

Evidently Wolsey told the guy that he was trans, and the guy (we will call him Jerk for short) ran in a circle, and came back. I am not joking. He actually ran in a circle in the office, and then came back and confirmed with Wolsey.

Jerk then ran over to me, and asked me to confirm it. I nodded, and confirmed him. At first I didn’t take it too strangely because I have had other coworkers ask, and it seemed the same. Jerk then asked if I had any pictures, so I showed him. His response weirded me out, though. He ran down the aisle of my cube, came back, and said “no fucking way”.

He did this twice more when I showed him other pictures. All he could say was “no fucking way,” and “now I have to rethink all the stories he told me”. I do have to say, that unlike other coworkers in the past Jerk didn’t immediately shift to a feminine pronoun.

For the next couple of weeks Jerk kept staring at Wolsey, I assume he was trying to “see” Wolsey, as he was before transition. It was uncomfortable, but not something we could really do anything about. I really couldn’t justify telling management that “Jerk is looking at Wolsey weird”.

He transferred last week to a different office. This is when Wolsey told me of a conversation with him that just flipped me out. Wolsey and I have both been super sick the last couple of weeks. When we got back into the office evidently Jerk asked Wolsey if he had HIV or AIDs, and is that why he was sick.

Wolsey didn’t tell me this at the time. I assume because Wolsey rightfully assumed I would have walked over, and popped Jerk in the face at least once. Well, maybe not if I had a little while to calm down, however it would have been my first reaction.

The frustration comes from the fact that my office won’t do anything no matter what we say. This is the same man that made one of our instructors at the Agency’s main schooling facility cry in class, and management said and did absolutely nothing. This is the same person who used racial slurs (of the Asian variety) in passing, and no one would move or say something.

Probably the most frustrating thing is we are stuck in a position where I probably can’t afford to die on this hill, pushing for the problem to be addressed. We are stuck here for a while, and until things are settled financially with my parents’ loss I can’t afford to lose the job. I don’t mean that I would be fired, but if things went wrong when I pushed this, it would be hard for me not to walk out. Sadly, that is the bad part of having issues with authority.

I have more to discuss about this, but I feel for now I will let it rest and come back in a couple of days.

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Background Radiation 12/16/16

Posted on December 16, 2016 by Wolsey

This is my Friday round up of the news stories that really stuck with me. Don’t go thinking these are the only stories that hid my feeds this week. There are always dozens every single week.

Background Radiation

Headline: Lawmakers filed more than 200 anti-LGBT bills in US states this year

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/12/14/lawmakers-filed-more-than-200-anti-lgbt-bills-in-us-states-this-year/

These include the ever popular “religious freedom” bills, where the concept of religious freedom seems to go against all of our basic tenants as Americans, to my way of thinking. Although, if you look at our country historically, maybe that’s not true. We are a country that has used laws to disenfranchise minorities pretty regularly. You only have to look at the legal history of Jim Crow laws, and how we dealt (and deal) with native American populations to see this has a huge precedent. Most of these anti-LGBT laws are in the same vein. It’s a way to create a body of laws to hide behind when you try to prevent LGBT people from getting basic goods and services, such as using a bathroom.

Headline: Major survey of transgender Americans finds pervasive bias

https://www.yahoo.com/news/major-survey-transgender-americans-finds-pervasive-bias-151751899.html

This isn’t a shocker to those of us in the transgender community. While this is a total no brainer, it’s good that these studies are being done. We are a slippery community because so many of us go stealth when we can, or go back in the closet when things get dangerously difficult. That doesn’t even count when we are gendered wrongly by authorities when things go wrong. To have some good concrete studies done, gives us a baby step in the right direction. I know I mentioned these surveys in an article last week, but I am happy they are still newsworthy.

Headline: Unerased: Counting Transgender Lives

https://mic.com/unerased

This one is heartbreaking. It’s a look at the murder of transgender people since 2010. The article points out the how the number of murders is rising, and we probably don’t even have a good handle on the numbers for a variety of reasons.

Headline: Oakland Fire Exposes Rift Over Naming Transgender Victims

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/oakland-fire-exposes-rift-naming-transgender-victims-44096031

It is a tragedy that people died. It’s even worse for transgender people that lost their lives because their families sometimes force them back into the closet after death. I’ve heard of transgender women having their hair cut off, and dressed in suits for family burials after a lifetime of living as their real selves.

I really do feel it’s the most terrible violence that a family can do. To come in and remove all traces of an individuals life like that. If you are a Sandman comic fan, you’ll remember this was dealt with in regards to Wanda after her death. (It’s decades old, so spoilers?) Barbie writes the name Wanda on the headstone with Wanda’s favorite lipstick. That scene stuck with me for decades, and I think about it every time I hear of a transgender person that dies, whose family do this to them.

Headline: Transgender woman was a virgin until 25 due to feeling too scared to have sex in case she was attacked

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/transgender-woman-virgin-until-25-9442655

I feel this article was okay. I don’t think they really focused on the fact that her fears are pretty realistic, and cis gendered straight dudes can be a trial to cis gendered women in the dating scene, but that gets far worse for transgender women.

Headline: The state of transgender health care

http://www.benefitspro.com/2016/12/12/the-state-of-transgender-health-care?page_all=1

I think most of us in the transgender community know all this, but it’s a good round up for the uninitiated. I was pleased they discussed what would happen if Trump repealed the ACA. It’s nice to see trans specific medical coverage get love in an article.

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Background Radiation 12/9/16

Posted on December 9, 2016 by Wolsey

I’ve decided to share how I see the world. I am a bit of a news junky, with a heavy focus on LGBT focused news, and since this blog is about my husband being accidentally gay because of my transition, I thought it would be topical.

I’m just going to give a Friday round up of the this background radiation in my life. I’m going to list whole links so everyone can see were the links go, with a little description. This list is never going to be a comprehensive listing of everything I see on a weekly basis, but it might show what it’s like to be queer in the world. My focus is centered on the United States because that’s where I’m from, but I also follow world news.

So with further ado, here we go.

Background Radiation

Headline: Washington State HB1011

https://secure.wawont.org/page/contribute/2017-hb1011?default_amt=10

This is Washington States very own version of North Carolina’s HB2. If I recall, and I’m too lazy to find sources, there are some heavy religious/alt-right groups that hand out legislature like so much copy pasta. I don’t know much on this one other than it exists, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it came from the same source all those other anti-trans bathroom bills came from. It’s like a never ending copy pasta mill with discrimination as the goal.

Headline: Dem Bill Requires TSA to develop transgender screening plan

http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/dem-bill-requires-tsa-to-develop-transgender-screening-plan/article/2608724

It’s about time for this. Going through TSA was the biggest push for getting top surgery for me. I got pulled for extra screening every time. I’d get some shaking TSA guy freaking out as he patted me down. I started to joke with them, “Hey kid, it’s okay. We’ll get through this together.” or “I keep my beer fat there.” I got off way lighter than a lot of transgender women did, though.

Headline: Jeff Landry asks court to throw out transgender protections in John Bel Edwards’ order

http://www.nola.com/politics/index.ssf/2016/12/louisiana_lgbt_court_case.html

But but but, he’s willing to leave the protections for gay people, if they would just remove protections from transgender people. They are worried about transgender people using the bathroom. . . This kind of thing is what had me driving to Subway to use their bathroom in my first job after transitioning.

Headline: Study: Anti-gay, transgender laws could cost Texas $8.5 billion

http://www.mystatesman.com/news/state–regional-govt–politics/study-anti-gay-transgender-laws-could-cost-texas-billion/MlXVFnkgHfVczH3xgv1gxM/

Maybe the possible loss of 8.5 billion dollars will sway them, but I’m not holding out hope. Texas has been doing some crazy crap lately.

Headline: Ben Shapiro Tells Yeshiva U. Students Being Transgender Is ‘Mental Illness’

http://forward.com/news/breaking-news/356275/ben-shapiro-tells-yeshiva-u-students-being-transgender-is-mental-illness/

I’m just going to leave his quote here:

“Transgender people are unfortunately suffering from a significant mental illness that is deeply harmful, and it’s not a solution to pretend that transgender people are the sex that they think they are in their head,” Shapiro said in the Monday speech. “Biology is biology; men can’t magically become women, and women can’t magically become men.”

Headline: Trans students sue school district which bans them from using certain bathrooms

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/12/01/trans-students-sue-school-district-which-bans-them-from-using-certain-bathrooms/

The school allowed transgender children to use the bathroom that aligned with their gender identity for years, then decided to stop the three trans students this year while they “decided on a formal policy.”

Headline: U.S. transgender people harassed in public restrooms: landmark survey

http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-lgbt-survey-idUSKBN13X0BK

This is good news, sort of. It’s not good that 60% of us have been harassed in the bathroom, but getting studies done, is the first step to in trying to get this issue taken seriously. This harassment is being reported, and documented. That’s good. This looks like a good study, with 27,715 participants. I’m not sure I remember a study that really rounded up the state of being transgender in this country.

As always, thanks for reading our blog. We appreciate the support immensely.

Posted in All Articles, Background Radiation, Jello's Articles | Tagged | 4 Comments

Background Radiation

Posted on December 1, 2016 by Wolsey

Here is a general snapshot of the news I look at every day. I looked at all this yesterday within three hours of waking up. I don’t do it to be depressed. I just happen to read a lot of news, and queer orientated news in particular. Shall we take a look at what I see in an average day?

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Headline: Top Trump Cabinet candidate claimed trans individuals ‘suffer from mental disorders,’ live a ‘freakish lifestyle’

http://uk.businessinsider.com/david-clarke-transgender-comments-trump-dhs-2016-11?r=US&IR=T

This is about the appointment of David Clarke. He’s a Sheriff from Wisconsin that hates transgender people being appointed to the Department of Homeland Security. He thinks we are freaks, and by legitimizing the fact that we are alive and human, we are somehow damaging American life.

Headline: Three schools turned away these kids because they have married lesbian parents

http://www.allgaynetwork.net/three-schools-turned-away-these-kids-because-they-have-married-lesbian-parents/

This is an article about a lesbian couple trying to get their child into a school in Mexico. Their child was denied an education by three schools because they are in a same sex relationship. There is a lot of concern trolling about it, but in the end, a child is being denied an education because their parents are lesbians.

Headline:

Trump backers celebrated death of this loving trans mother

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/11/30/trump-backers-celebrated-death-of-this-loving-trans-mother/

A young transgender woman committed suicide, and before her wife could memorialize her Facebook page, hate groups flocked to it celebrating her suicide in some of the worst most hurtful shit you’ve ever seen.

Headline: The most homophobic places in America and Britain have been revealed

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/11/30/the-most-homophobic-places-in-america-and-britain-have-been-revealed/

This is about how the top homophobic places in the US are identified by using social media to rank the states by homophobic statements. As it turns out, Michigan, Ohio, Nevada, Arizona and Texas the worst offenders. So if you are queer in any form, being there probably sucks.

Headline: UNC Professor Pens Racist, Homophobic Facebook Posts and Articles About Students

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/college/a8376102/uncw-professor-mike-adams-accused-of-racist-posts-against-students/

This is how a racist, homophobic professor gets to be a shitbag and keep his job. Sidenote: Yes it is from Cosmopolitan Magazine, and they have been doing some really decent articles these days to my eternal shock.

This is all in the first three hours of waking up. This is everyday of my life. I don’t seek it out, but the hate, and abuse that LGBTQ folks suffer from is ever-present. I’ve described it as background radiation, and I still feel that way.

To be fair, I don’t think this is new, or worse. I think we just get to see it more. The media did not cover this before the internet became a thing and everyone could record things on their phones.

It does act as a reminder every day that I am not a full member of my country to many, and to others I am a target for their aggression.

 

Posted in All Articles, Background Radiation, Jello's Articles | 3 Comments

Top surgery and book thoughts

Posted on November 27, 2016 by AccidentallyGay

I have several half started blog entries sitting in my saved file folder. They deal with a range of things from personal to political. However, 2016 has been a rough year, so it was hard finishing any of them. Then Wolsey prodded me gently that we should finish the chapters of the book we promised six months ago, so we can start the edit process. He is right of course, so that is what I have been working on for the last two weeks.

It finally happened though, this weekend marks the completion of the first round of rough draft for the book we have talked about. It has been a really deplorable year, marked by a lot of family/professional/political headaches. Finishing the first round of work is an awesome high for the year.

I had just finished the last chapter of the rough draft in which I dealt with the events around Wolsey’s top surgery. I think Wolsey looks great, and at no point in time have I ever had a second thought about his transition. However, I still feel bad because I can’t separate the grief of my father’s passing with Wolsey’s surgery. I can’t just celebrate Wolsey’s victory.

I didn’t realize it until I started writing that chapter about the month of February that I really haven’t gone into all the horrible details here (or even in my personal blog). When I started writing that last chapter I felt I was in control, and it would be done. By the time I finished it, I felt guilty, lost and depressed.

Evidently I can’t seem to separate the great feeling of his transition during this event, the grief of losing my father, and the horror of the circumstances around my fathers death. I really want to be able to just focus on the good. Wolsey is healthy, attractive, and most importantly happy with the results. The surgery was an absolute success in itself, but even with that knowledge it doesn’t feel like a success to me on the inside.

I have to come out and say this is the first time in the entire transition process that I want a redo. I put off talking about the details because I didn’t want to take away from Wolsey’s success. After all the surgery was about his needs, and what he wanted. However, writing that last chapter included everything that happened (but not even close to all the horrific details about my father’s death), and it brought up a lot of sludge that I thought I had pushed away.

So now I feel guilty that I am angry about the situation around the surgery. We had planned the surgery in detail. We were prepared financially, emotionally and physically. I was focused on providing anything Wolsey wanted. I wasn’t even angry other than normal grief about my father passing. However, there was (and still is) incredible anger involved in how my father passed.

Family members denied him pain medicine in his final days. There was jealousy that he had woken up out of his unconsciousness specifically to grab me, and tell Wolsey and I how much he loved us and was proud of us. Those family members that were involved in heavy drugs lost their perspective and thought by holding his pain meds back, he would wake back up and talk to them. They were partially successful after several days.

The whole time I argued with those family members, begged them to just let him sleep. Wolsey tried to explain to them the process of dying and that it can be painful (and full of anxiety) for the person. That is why they are given morphine and anti-anxiety meds. There were daily arguments each day I drove 3 hours up to his bedside.

Sadly, my mom was confused, hurt, and was stuck with those other family members for hours that I wasn’t there so she didn’t try to stop what they were doing. Wolsey spent nights when he was awake arguing with those same family members, explaining they were causing pain to my father.

Sometimes, I still wake up in the middle of the night and lay there hating myself for not having been able to have taken care of both Wolsey and my dad. Wolsey was undoubtably in more pain and uncomfortableness because of this, and my dad died a much harder death then he had to.

I don’t hold a grudge, but the family member who did this to my father came to me during my mother’s passing five months later and said that my fathers painful death still haunted them. I have to admit there is a big part of me that hopes that family member is haunted for the rest of their life. I don’t know if I can ever forgive them. Even if I forgive, I will never forget what they did.

Sadly this isn’t even all the crappy things that happened around my father’s death, you are just getting basic cliff notes (someday I will post something in depth about this), except to say it was the worst death, of the many I have witnessed. It was the worst death Wolsey had seen in ten years of nursing in the geriatric psych field.

I feel anger about the time of Wolsey’s surgery whenever I think about it. Not at Wolsey, not at the actual surgery, or even my father’s death. It is at the horrific actions of family members. The guilt comes in because I know I should have some happy emotions about this part of Wolsey’s transition. I don’t know if I ever will feel that elation, happiness or even relief. I feel like a failure of a spouse and partner that I can’t give enough support there.

I guess I just wanted to admit that I finally hit my first negative feeling about one of the transition events, and I felt with all the positivity I have expressed here, it is even more important to tell people that everyone, including me, can have a hard time with it. Even if it is for weird reasons.

Posted in All Articles, Lucky's Articles (AG) | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment