A bit of anxiety

I have noticed over the last few weeks that my wonderful husband’s change is coming along well with the testosterone shot. I also noticed that I have some preconceived notions on behavior of men.

Lately I have been more anxious about Jello wanting to bail. I have always had a bit of a self esteem problem, but it has escalated and I couldn’t tell you why until last week. It dawned on me that a very small part of me isn’t sure how to believe a guy wants to stick with their spouse like a gal would.

I know that makes no sense, I am a guy and I am devoted to my husband, with no doubts on how much I love him. I for some reason never  questioned that a woman could if she decided be the same way and stay with a partner. Yet, there is some sort of inbuilt idea that you can’t trust that a guy will (except me of course, which is another break in my logic that doesn’t make sense). Strangely enough, this goes for hetero relationships, I haven’t ever doubted that a homosexual relationship can be as devoted (yes, I completely realize another break in my logic is that part of me still hasn’t fully changed my outlook that I am in a gay marriage now, I know it and I tell everyone but evidently it is still percolating).

Of course I suspect the majority of my actual stress is overworking. Long days, with less than five hours of sleep a night is resulting in my anxiety level being higher. Since the transition is one of the biggest events currently in my life I suspect it becomes the focus of that stress. So in the end what I am saying is nothing bad is happening, I just have little outbreaks of anxiety. Things are going well, I just wanted to whine a bit. 🙂

One other point, I guess this is saying something good for the shift for Jello, the process is slow but happening enough that it triggers weird things in me.

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