I am tired of the whole “not trans enough” debacle that I sometimes see. The gatekeeping done by some people to tell others they haven’t done enough to be considered their identified gender. It just smacks of hypocrisy, and another way the trans community tears itself down in a weird pecking order of who is entitled to be called trans.
Now, Dan Savage is problematic in many ways. He has stuck his foot in his mouth before, and undoubtably will do so again. However what keeps me supporting him is that he appears to learn new information and move on. Unfortunately not all of his guests seem to follow that.
On Savage Lovecast number 577 a caller who still presents visually as a female talks about himself being a trans man and his frustration that he isn’t accepted by gay men intimately. He is pre-T, pre-surgery and is evidently shaped as a female. He is trying to find out why he isn’t being accepted and what he can do.
Now, I am going to put aside the actual question the caller asked, and address the response by Buck Angel, a well known transgender man who came out as a gatekeeper and misgendered the caller.
Three times during Buck Angel’s response he referred to the caller as “her or she”. He has never known this person, never interacted with them, has heard they identify 100% as a man, yet he still misgendered the caller. He has absolutely no reason to misgender the caller except to be dismissive, its not like he met the caller and had a history with them and accidentally misgendered them.
I was a little stunned at how he could do that, but as Buck continued to talk that was the least offensive thing I found.
He then went on to address how gay men aren’t attracted to feminine presenting people, and I am not disagreeing with that, but he also wasn’t kind about it. He then went on to school the caller about realistic behavior and about how he was more manly and it somehow gave him authority over the situation to pronounce how the caller was wrong to have any expectation to be considered a man by gay men.
Meanwhile Dan Savage did all the right things, except he was dismissive of the caller. However, he never misgendered the caller and never called into question their identity. He suggested they might find a bisexual guy who could appreciate the caller being a man, but who appeared on the outside as woman. Even with that advice though, he allowed Buck to continue and egged him on a bit.
This is when Buck decided to make a dividing line that he was “transexual” meaning he was fulling identifying as male, and how the new “transman” status was blurring the line and causing problems.
From my position, the term transexual is more of an older term that isn’t generally used by someone under the age of 40, and that transman is no less of an identity as being a man then transexual, and in the modern lexicon transman has replaced transexual. In fact I know a lot of trans people who are offended by the term transexual.
My husband is a transman, he is proud about it. I find it very frustrating that the “man with a pussy” (as he likes to call himself) is a gatekeeper because others might not have had top surgery, or look as masculine as him. It doesn’t matter what characteristics you still have, or what status with hormones, to tear apart someone else in your same community is horrific to me.
I wish the community would stop that, there are already enough wolves at the gate and to have to worry about tearing each other apart.