Some Top Surgery Thoughts

Things are going great with Jello’s surgery. He is looking FANTASTIC. It has been a little over 8 weeks since he had it and the chest is healed up well. The liposuction on the hips and belly are a bit rougher healing wise for him but looks great. I will post pics in the future of him, but I felt it was better he got to post his results first.

However, the flat chest (as opposed to the DD breasts he had before) is something I am still getting used to. Not in a bad way, he looks really good. I am really attracted to him, however it is still taking a bit to get used to the changes.

Flat as this board, but softer.

Flat as this board, but softer.

Holding Him: For twenty two years I had a hard time holding him around the chest from behind. I would often come up behind him, wrap my arms around him and hug. My arms would barely wrap around. Now, my arms wrap around completely and I can actually hold my opposite elbows. It isn’t bad, but every once in awhile it just catches me off guard and I usually have to do a double check. 

This is not what I mean.

This is not what I mean.

Open Windows: This became apparent yesterday. We had just gotten out of the shower and he was sitting at his computer without a shirt on. I was on autopilot as I shut all the drapes. I had been so used to doing this for him for 20+ years (so he could walk around topless without people freaking) that I find myself doing it on autopilot when he doesn’t need it.

I am seriously disappointed that people who present as women have to worry about this shit.

I am seriously disappointed that people who present as women have to worry about this shit.

Body Reassurances: Sometimes, when I am feeling lovey or stressed and we were in private (in bed, or just in our house usually) I would lean over and cup a breast (sorry if its TMI, but then again you have read my other posts right?). When this is done, it is usually a subconscious thing, I don’t actively thing “Hey, I want to hold his breasts”, it was just something that developed between us (and he has told me for the last 20 years he is fine so please don’t think I was groping without permission :)). It became a weird automatic thing, which now I find uncomfortable that I had did it.

It was never Justin Bieber creepy though.

It was never Justin Bieber creepy though.

I have done it a couple times since then, and then is the resulting awkwardness as I look up realizing I had tried to touch, but just ended up poking his flat chest. We both laugh when it happens. It is just weird how an unconscious habit like that keeps going.

bidenuncomfortable

New Clothing: He is tossing out half a dozen shirts (and probably another half a dozen when we replace the first half a dozen). He likes clothes to begin with that are nice. Now most of his shirts are billowy on him and don’t fit. So when we went out and bought a new pair I was caught off guard. Even with a binder he had a thicker chest, but now he wears shirts that hug his body and it gives me a double take.  He worries about the money to replace his wardrobe but I am more than happy to get whatever he wants.

grandma-finds-the-internet-meme-generator-omg-were-are-my-clothes-f1a8fc

As a side note, I still like laying my head on his chest, the missing breast tissue doesn’t seem to really make a difference for me. Still a very comfortable place to be, and I get to hear his heartbeat better (which is something I like).

In short, I love the way he looks. I think the old habits are extinguishing quickly, and I am sure inappropriate new habits will develop.

I am really proud of the struggle he went through (and continues to go through) and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

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