I haven’t had top surgery yet, and believe me, it’s becoming all I think about. I spend more of my brain power on how my chest looks, how uncomfortable my binder is, or counting down to when I can get surgery than anything else. It’s as if I have this program about my chest running in the background of my head at all times, eating up my batteries.

I’m not an overly thin guy either, so it takes quite a bit of squish to get my DD’s flattened enough to keep me feeling safe. Even when I did lose a lot of weight when I was sick in 2007, I never lost my hips or my breasts. (Pre-transition.) Almost 2 years on testosterone, I have still not redistributed enough fat to get rid of the hips.

This means, I am planning on not only getting top surgery, but a bit of lipo around the hips and thighs. I’m actually in the Greater Seattle area, and am going to go to Dr. Mangubat, who does a two for one combo “manscaping lipo” and top surgery.

I was going to do this last summer, but between our work and debt situations, it simply wasn’t possible. Add to that, I get my insurance through a federal government job, and there was no funding. This put it off until 2016, or three months from now.

It was frustrating to watch as my FTM friends started getting funding through their medical insurance to cover their top surgery, while my Fed insurance still had a rider stating they would never cover transgender care. I was ecstatic for all of them, but frustrated that the federal government was a giant ass taco about refusing to cover transgender services.

My husband actually put in a human resources discrimination complaint, and the folks were slow and unsure, but handled it well. The military has lost several transgender related lawsuits recently, and it’s not likely they would prevail at stopping my top surgery. That means they handled us with kid gloves.

I am the first FTM civilian person to seek top surgery through them, so they don’t know what to do with me. They do know, that the rider is being dropped this coming year, in 2016. I know things are moving fast for coverage on the whole, when we are talking about the federal government, but on an individual basis I feel like Veruca Salt from Willie Wonka, “I WANT IT NOW!”

This means, in 2016 I might be able to get it covered. We are going heavy on the hopeful “might”. Group Health says they will cover, but nobody knows by how much. I’ll still be out of pocket for the liposuction, as expected.

Regardless of if it is covered, or by how much, I have my trusty Visa. They don’t care what I pay for, as long as their interest fees are covered. I don’t mind paying for it by myself if I have too, because living in a binder sucks. I happen to be in a good financial position. Being middle aged and transitioning after you have a good job has it’s perks. Not that I recommend waiting until you are 40, though.

The upshot of it all, is no matter what happens with the funding, I will be starting the process for this in January. I plan to go through the motions with Group Health, as if the insurance will cover as soon as the year flips over. I just have to hold on to my inner Veruca Salt until then.

Best case scenario, insurance covers, and I only have to pay a couple thousand for the lipo. Worst case scenario, I get a lot of points on my Visa. Either way, I will get some of that brain processing power back, when I no longer have to think about it.