I was reading an article a friend on Facebook provided. The article annoyed me enough that I thought I would write about it (and partially hijack this blog, so I am sorry if it is very tangential).
The article can be found here: http://www.sunnyskyz.com/blog/277/He-Claims-His-Wife-Is-Not-The-Same-Woman-That-He-Married-You-Need-To-Read-This
My response is below:
Matt Walsh is wrong, and here is why:
As a married man, with a 22 year successful marriage with a ton of changes (including my wife transitioning into being my husband) I can say that a healthy marriage can survive. HOWEVER, as the only marriage in our large group of friends to survive so long, I can say we were more lucky then skillful. It isn’t just because we worked tirelessly on our marriage (which we still do), but also that we have been lucky that we both think so similarly and are both so invested in trying to work things out.
People change, both people in the marriage. Matt can be cavalier and say he expects the change and will happily do it, but the problem is both people have to change in the same direction if the marriage is to survive, and you can’t force that change. Sometimes people wake up and want something completely different, realize they made a mistake, or perhaps they don’t want to follow in the same direction as their spouse.
It isn’t wrong for someone to leave a marriage, whether it is because they married an abusive partner, or perhaps someone that they just don’t want to be with. It doesn’t make it a failure, it just makes it life. We only have one life, no one should force themselves to “endure” a marriage.
Also, just a note for Matt (the original author), marriage has only been about romance for the last couple of centuries (and in a lot of places not even that long). It was a contract for property, and children. Many of those “old” marriages that people talk about were empty and the spouses didn’t even live with each other. Also, at least in the Western world, marriages were a chattel yard for the women, who had no rights, had no safety upon leaving their spouse and had to cling to someone, even if they were abusive, otherwise face a horrific experience.
The guy you are angry is right, come back in 10 years. Sadly marriage isn’t something that someone both young and newly married (and three years is newly married for someone who has been married 22 years) will really have an understanding of the ins and outs. Matt, unfortunately you do not know what you speak about yet. Not that you are stupid, but just don’t have the experience yet to understand what the gentleman you talked to was saying.
While I am still unsure about the idea of a divorce party, I assume it is like a wake, which case I can understand it.